Weekend Before the (mini)Storm

The school that I attend has a midterm and a final exam which determines your grade in the class. There are other extremely minor grades along the way, but basically the bulk of your final grade are those two exams. I don't like it as much, because there is VERY little room of "messing up". I thrive with the consistent exams as the course progresses to test your mastery of the subjects and it forces you to keep up with the material.

One of the initial challenges faced with students is studying strategies. A common phrase to describe medical school is "drinking from a fire hose" with the amount of information that is thrown at you and that you must know. I also like to describe it with pancakes. You HAVE to eat six pancakes a day. For the first few days, you're really excited and it tastes delicious, so eating six is manageable. However, very soon (usually within the first couple of weeks) you realize you can't seem to digest six anymore. So one fine day, you decide you only want four. But that means the following day, you know have eight pancakes to eat. This describes lecture material. It's SO easy to get behind and once you're behind, it's a strenuous workout to get back on track.

I've kind of been battling staying on track with all my lectures, studying, and practice problems. Usually I'm only a couple lectures behind *knock on wood*, but then I'm struggling to find time to physically remember all that I'm supposed to. I feel like one day I know it, and even just few hours later it's already out the door. I've also been struggling to find my optimum studying style. I know I'm very visual so I try to  draw out my notes by making flow charts and diagrams - but more often than not, there's information that can't be placed in the diagram, and I just need to know it. Because there are a finite number of hours in a day, it's close to impossible to do absolutely everything you ideally would like to do. Prioritizing high-yield information is key. But, you don't want to be wrong =).

Since this is our first semester, we have sort of "mini-test" on Monday to test what we've learned thus far. It's worth about 6-7% of our entire grade, but it covers about a month's worth of information. Also, there are only three weeks between this mini-test and midterms, so there really isn't much of a wiggle room to catch up on previous material. There are so many things that I would have ideally like to have done by this point, but realistically won't get through. I was doing practice questions the other night and realized how little is ingrained into my tiny, little brain. I have four more lectures to catch up on, which I'm not too worried about - but it's all the essential details that I need to make sure I have down in two days. EEK!

Besides all of this, what really worries me daily - is the feeling of inadequacy. I know this is just the beginning, but I'm constantly afraid that I won't be able to know everything I'm supposed to, that I won't be able to do well on the exams, and that I won't be able to complete my dream of becoming a doctor.

But anyways, I'm trying to take a positive outlook this weekend. I can only do as much as I can do - can't really do much more than that. I'm hoping this mini-test will give me some insight of my current studying habits and how much information I can retain.

On a completely separate note, good luck to all the MS4s who are turning in their ERAS application this weekend. Congrats on making it this far and good luck on your interviews! I hope to be in your position soon =).

5 Loaves of Bread

This semester, I'm living in a 3-person suite, which is 3 private rooms with a common kitchen & bathroom. It's nice to have the privacy, so I can do things without any questionable looks - because as we all know, I do a lot of that. But honestly, it's nice to have space that is truly your own and not shared. However, I do miss living in a double, which is 2 people living in a studio. I miss turning around and having someone there. Even though we're THREE girls, which is one whole human more than before, since it's semi-private and all, it gets lonely. 

Also with these girls, the dynamic is just different. Don't get me wrong, they're great roommates, but that's exactly what they are. Roommates. When I left for my first semester of college, I was advised to have a talk with my roommate, deciding things like - cleaning schedule, showering, lights-out time, parties. Our own Roommate Agreement Contract, if you will. Interestingly, I've never had those "talks". With all of my prior roommates, we've all sort of had a mutual understanding of each other's space and needs. Even with food - if there was something that I particularly purchased, and my roommate wanted it - she would just replace it and vice-versa. 

Since I'm growing up and all, this year is the first time I've had a kitchen in my room, per say, so having food around is a bigger deal. But even last semester, my roommate and I would share common items - milk, bread, cheese, condiments, juice, etc. And we didn't really talk about it, but there was a mutual understanding that if she bought the items one week, I'd replace it and vice-versa. However this semester, everyone has their own things. And it's just WEIRD. Right now, we have FIVE loaves of bread in the fridge. Granted 2 of them are half-way through, but seriously...FIVE loaves of bread?! People, we are only THREE girls. I'm not even complaining at this point; it's just amusing. 

I know it's probably better this way. Less politics. Since no one has thought of the brilliant idea of sharing, so there's actually room in our fridge for other things, I tried to say something about it indirectly, but it wasn't really favored. Oh well. We'll just be the cool girls with a grocery store in our kitchen. We're cool, yo =).

Rumors

I had a horrible day yesterday. I don't even want to think about it because all those negative vibes and thoughts will come rushing back - and there really isn't time for such doings right now.

I hate rumors. I absolutely HATE them. The course director for one of my classes changed this year and the word on the street is that Course Director B's exams are going to be so much harder than Course Director A. While this is motivating for some people, it actually works in the negative effect for me. I have a tendency to dwell for so long on my problems, that I'm on my way on a tortuous downward spiral and eventually depressed about a completely different problem. In this situation, I have two options:

• I can sulk about the horrible position I am in
• I can suck it up, work hard, and hope for the best

The answer is really obvious, staring at me right in the face. If you don't already know, I HATE rumors. But realistically, it's not like I am going to do anything different. Did I think a medical school exam was going to be easy in the first place and I'll automatically get an A? NO. If I really know my material, am I going to fail? NO. Do I even know if these rumors are true, I mean have those individuals even seen the test? NO. It's uncertain how difficult this exam is going to be and definitely uncertain how I will perform, but worrying won't solve anything.

I'm almost about ready to call it a night so I'll let myself sulk today, but starting tomorrow - the sun will rise, the birds will chirp, and I will be a changed person.

Pierogi

I love how now that I have all the time in the world (sense the sarcasm), I wish to cook exuberant, gourmet dishes. It's great what changes school brings in me:

• Randomly want to spend hours cooking
• Magically become a huge fan of chocolate
• Drink black tea (more like water, black tea, and LOTS of sugar) almost every day 
• Sleep between 10:30/11:00pm and wake up at 6am (I'm generally an early riser, but not an early sleeper)
• I'm pretty sure my classmates don't realize I have long hair because it's always wrapped in a taut formed bun
• My inbox is a MESS, and I don't have a sudden urge to organize it

Yup school, it's really a lovely thing.  Speaking of which, I'm quite certain my classmates think I don't own clothes because I'm always in track pants + college shirts. Whatever, I'm comfortable. As much I want to, I can't seem to wear sun dresses; Generally though, I don't think I'm a very "dress" person. Like at the airport, there are ladies that wear dresses on the plane. Not a super fancy dress, just a simple, pretty dress. Their whole attire is great, but no matter how hard I try -  I just can't do that. Although, I think a part of me just really enjoys my track pants, you know - from all the running I do. 

Anyways, getting to the title of this post--> Once in college, our amazing chef made Vegetarian Pierogis. It was my first time having them - and it was delicious!!! But after that day, could not remember the name of the dish. But last night, out of nowhere, I was laying in bed and this word popped into my head. It was a mixture of Pierogi and Progeria so I Googled around and finally found the name of the dish! I was so happy. Except now I'm craving it. 

And that's no fun. (Sad face)

Brachial Plexus Craziness

SO many muscles in the upper limb, who knew!?

Last week in anatomy, we completed the back – discussed muscles, innervations, blood supply, and all that jaaz. I spent the majority of last weekend feeling so overwhelmed with the amount of information on the back alone, only to enter this week in upper limb! There's so much happening everywhere, even in the hand!! Although I must say, I think I've got a pretty good handle on the back so I'm comfortable moving onto a different section. Last week in biochemistry, we learned about acid/base disorders and its clinical relevance. It was all so interesting – I LOVED practicing problems! This week however, SO much more information! I've gotten a little behind in my lectures and practice problems, but I've made a schedule for this weekend – so hopefully by Sunday evening, I will be all caught up and a little more relaxed.

Even though it's a LOT of material, and extremely difficult, I'm enjoying the studying. Of my 4 classes, biochem and anatomy definitely take up the most time understanding and remembering. I've realized that I don't study well in my room. I don't know if it's the fact that I went to college out of state, but I've come to associate "home" as a place to "relax." Even at my REAL home, if I need to seriously get some work done, I have to go to Starbucks or the library. And I've realized the same thing here as well. I'm not too sure what it is – but I need to keep pushing myself outside my room to actually get some studying done. Although it's really irritating having to carry all my books that I need, and when I come back to my room for lunch/dinner I get lazy to go out again, and then I'm not as productive. Ugh! It's a horrible cycle.

Oh well, I'll definitely be out of my room this weekend; I have to be! I have so much to do! Hope yall have a great weekend =)!

One Week Down

Well I definitely survived my first week of medical school, but it's been a challenge. In one short week, SO many things have changed:

• I like to keep my inbox as cleaned as possible with only emails needing immediate attention show up. I have folders for everything! I even a folder for "need replies", which seems pretty obvious what it's used for. In less than one week, my entire inbox is flooded with emails and I have no idea who I need to respond to. I sometimes refuse to open my inbox just so I don't get frightened at how much correspondence I need to get done.
• Google Reader – even longer list of titles I need to read.
• I'm the odd girl who isn't a big fan of chocolate – but all of a sudden, chocolate is my new "must-have".
• I don't really drink tea/coffee too much. But all of a sudden, I need all this caffeine to keep myself awake!

I know as the time progresses, I'll learn how to manage "life" around school. But it's an instant shock for me at the moment. I'm really enjoying my classes and it's extremely refreshing to be learning about things you're actually interested in. Labs start this upcoming week – here's when the real fun begins!

Change in Identity

I recently took a trip to my alma mater, which I had not seen ever since I graduated in May 2010. As soon I stepped off the plane and onto the floors of the airport, a brush of memories came into life. I made the same phone call to my mom, reassuring her that I arrived safely and I would call her after reaching my sorority. I took the same train back to campus. And, here’s the cherry on top, I stayed at the same sorority house I lived in during my junior & senior years of college. But this time, as a guest, not a resident. Rewind about two years, I was doing everything I would have been doing as a student, however you can’t go back in time and I wasn’t an undergrad student anymore.

During my time there, I visited many of my college friends, spent time at my common hang-out places, and tried a few new ones. I had an interesting conversation with FRIEND A, and how he declined a job offer out of state in fear of losing his identity & friends that he had created in college. And in a professional setting, it’s difficult to create or even have the same relationship with your co-workers that you have with your friends out of work. He was very involved in campus activities, so everyone practically knew him. It’s interesting that when you meet someone new, they have NO idea of your past (which could be a good or bad thing :-p), but sometimes we have certain expectations that they should know. How did you not know I like to dance? How did you not know I’m a vegetarian?

Just a couple weeks ago, we moved from the house that my brother and I had most of our life-changing events at and pretty much the only house my brother remembers living in. During this moving process, we would make several trips back to ‘old house’ to pick up odds & ends that the movers did not. And I would ALWAYS find a reason NOT to go. I couldn’t do it; it was just too painful. I couldn’t imagine how quickly a spot where my family shared a meal less than 24 hours ago has now become space; I couldn’t imagine how quickly a home became a house so quickly. This house represented so much more than a home, it was our identity. So in essence, I was doing the same thing as FRIEND A.

Yes, I resist change.

But actually, going to college out of state was a huge change (something I definitely wasn’t planning at all) – I was put into a completely new location, environment, and school. I didn’t know a single person in that state, let alone in the university. I left my identity back at home and maybe recreated the same one or grew on it. Additionally, I was fortunate enough to study abroad during college – but I didn’t know anyone. But part of that allowed me to step out of my comfort zone and do things light years ahead of my time, like act in a play! And while no one knew anything about me, I was able to experience something new. I think, part of the reason why experiences such as studying abroad are so refreshing, is it allows us to leave our identity behind and do something different.

It was a break from, being me.

FRIEND A eventually got a job in town and is doing his masters simultaneously. So maybe it was good that he stayed local, or maybe the move could have also been beneficial to him – I guess we’ll never know! It’s natural and often times easy to take the path of least resistance, but it’s not always the best path. Sometimes, maybe study abroad opportunities are thrown at us, or we’re thrown into situations we didn’t seek out that make us change. But as we get older, I think we need to consciously push ourselves to “grow”. I’m really going to miss the ‘old house’. But, I’m also looking forward to what this new house brings to my family. As I sit here, on the eve of my medical school career, I know I’m not going to be the same person four years down the road. And I’m extremely nervous, but very excited to learn a whole new world and make some amazing new friends. But most importantly, I’m excited to see how I change into the best doctor I can be for my future patients, which is the main reason for creating this blog! =) My identity is what I make of it, and I am going to continue to do things to where I’m always evolving.  

Packing, Unpacking

Summer 2012 consisted of packing, unpacking – and repeat x4. I traveled to Tampa Bay, FL for one convention, and then to Chicago, IL for another convention, changed my permanent address, and finally my current address! I arrived at medical school on Wednesday night and I am all unpacked and organized! The school provided some fun orientation activities and I was able to meet some really interesting classmates and potential study buddies =). There are a few more orientation activities this weekend – and then school starts Monday! Really excited to FINALLY start this new chapter in my life!